Broken and Bleeding Heart
by Hollow Ichigo-Ichigo
Summary: Ichigo is saved by Shiro who doesn't remember him. The past between the two has been tearing Ichigo apart, bit by bit and now he has another chance...but will they be able to restore their previous bond? Or will the past keep them apart? Chara death yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Authoress drabble~!

This idea just kinda hit me at random...probably from reading a fic I really like. Umm... Eternity by zfirze. This isn't the same, but the idea kinda popped into my head from re-reading Normal(the prequel) and Eternity. So credit to her! I know I really need to work on other fics, so this may be the last new one I post until something comes close to being done. (Well...Locking Up The Sun isn't too far off...) So enjoy my new fic that will keep you thinking! (cause I know y'all hate that!)

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Ichigo tugged his coat closer to his body for warmth as he walked down a quiet street of town. The snow was falling lightly, softly landing in his bright orange hair and sticking. He kept his hands in his pockets as he walked, glancing left and right every now and then, fingering the badge in his pocket. Although he hadn't seen many hollows lately, that didn't mean it was safe to be walking around without being prepared. He stopped when he reached a small park and looked around. It was where he had made his decision to aid Rukia, and all the souls he could. But it was also where something else happened...something raw and painful. It stung his heart more than the cold, and he shook his head, the loose snow falling out of his hair. _No...it's over..._ He thought.

A cold wind blew past him and he shivered, briskly turning around and walking back home. He knew that Yuzu would be cooking dinner by now, not that he had much of an appetite at the moment. He coughed and brought his gloved hand in front of his mouth. His face was red from the cold and he could tell that if he walked around in the cold any more, he'd end up getting sick. _Not that it matters much anymore...maybe if I..._ He shook his head again and began walking faster. _No, he would kill me if I thought of it! That's why..._ He stopped and sighed. _I need some sleep...yeah, Rukia keeps saying I'm up too much nowadays..._ Shivering in his coat, he walked back, the only sound were chattering teeth, shoes crunching snow and the cracking of his own heart.

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><p>Rukia stared at Ichigo and felt the urge to smack him. "You need to snap out of it Ichigo! Being this deep in funk isn't like you!" Rukia snapped as he stepped into his room.<p>

"I know Rukia, sorry. It's...it's rough that's all." He muttered. Rukia rolled her eyes as Ichigo plopped down on his bed.

"Look, you can't go back to the mansion looking like this. You need sleep, and you need to eat." Rukia told him. Ichigo closed his eyes. He knew this. He had given up much in the final confrontation with Aizen, the biggest thing being the connection to his human body. He knew that, if he performed Mugetsu, the tie with his earthly body would shatter, and he would be a full soul Reaper, assuming he still had any powers at all.

To everyone's surprise, he did manage to hold on to his powers, but they had been weak, almost a shadow of what they had been. It affected him, not being able to help those around him. Right now, however, things were slightly different. His powers were back in full, and he was currently in a gigai, visiting his family in the World of the Living. But somethign was missing and it made every sight in town painful to him. He curled up and faced his window. The moon was out now, as pale as the snow, making it seem to sparkle on the rooftops. The sight made his heart clench and he hugged himself.

"I know Rukia...but it's hard. I promise...this is the last run I'll do and you can handle the rest for the rest of this wee-"

"Absolutly not! I am doing it tonight, plain and simple!" Rukia stated. "You're in no condition to go out if hollows appear. I shouldn't have even let you out before dinner. And Yuzu worries you know. There's so many damned leftovers in the fridge!" She noted that Ichigo was no longer paying attention and she stomped her foot. "Are you even listening to me? !" Angry, she stormed over and almost screamed when she noticed that he was finally asleep, clinging to a small chain around his neck. She sighed and took a blanket, covering him with it and turned to leave the room. "Sleep easy, ok?" She whispered before shutting the door.

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><p>But he could not sleep easy. His mind was plauged with memories, some happy, some sad, and haunted by nightmares. He began twisting and turning in his sleep, his legs tangled in the blanket. His eyes shot open, fear and pain filling them. His left hand was reaching out, his right clutching to the necklace around his neck. <em>Again...<em> He thought and groaned, running a hand through his hair. His alarm clock said 4:30 AM. _Rukia's back now..._ He thought and pulled his badge out. He placed it against his chest and allowed his soul to emerge. He felt a bit better, as if a fresh breeze blew through him. He knew it was a temporary relief, but it was better than nothing. He leapt out of the window, landing easily on the lawn in front of the clinic.

He began jumping onto the rooftops, staring at the sleeping town. silently, he looked down at the silver chain around his neck and held it up. On it was a small serpent, one white eye glowing in the moonlight. In it's coils was half a heart, saying 'Ever'. _The other half..._ Ichigo closed his eyes to push the images away. _No, I need to pay attention right now._

"Well, hello~!" He turned around and leapt back as a hollow appeared and smashed the roof he was standing on. He grabbed Zangetsu and felt the cloth uncoil, whipping in the winter wind. "I seem to have found a tasty Soul Reaper~!"

"Ha, like I'll let you have a piece of me!" Ichigo shouted. The hollow laughed and lunged at him, it's claws streatched and he flash stepped out of the way._ It's claws extend...need to watch that..._

"Hmm, slippery one, eh?" It smiled and held up one twisted arm. "Guess I need to be serious then, huh?" Ichigo lepat back and braced himself. When the hollow suddenly vanished, Ichigo couldn't help but feel a bit of panic. Recent events have made most of the hollows stronger, their powers growing worse and trickier to predict. It appeared again and Ichigo tumbled backwords as it struck the spot he had been standing just seconds before.

"Shit..." Ichigo gripped his arm as it began to bleed where the hollow had nicked him. _It's fast too...damnit this isn't good..._ It vanished and then reappeared again, this time succeding in pinning Ichigo to the street. Ichigo struggled to get free, but it's claws were digging into his arms and legs, striking the bone and making him hollar in pain.

"Hmm...your reflexs are too slow..." Ichigo's eyes widened at the familiar phrase, but instead, it came from the nasty hollow above him. "Ah well, you're soul still smells tasty!" Ichigo's eyes widened as it's jaws opened, ready to devour him.

_Shit...shit no!_ Right before it did, blood sprayed his face. _Huh?_ A huge gash was on the hollow's mask, one thast Ichigo was certain wasn't there before. As it faded, the pain in his limbs subsided briefly. He coughed and crawled onto his knees. "Hey uh...thanks."

"Tsk, how embarrasing!" He froze at the familiar voice. "Ya can't be a decent Soul Reaper if ya got caught off guard by a stupid hollow like that!" He looked up to see a white Zangetsu shining in the moonlight. He followed it to a pale figure wearing a white shihakusho. The figure was glaring at him with golden eyes, surrounded by black, and annoyance shone in them.

_No...no way..._ Ichigo blinked and rubbed his eyes as he continued to stare. "Shiro?" The albino cocked his head to the side as he landed next to the injured Soul Reaper.

"How do ya know my name Soul Reaper?" He asked, sounding annoyed and confused. Ichigo's eyes widened in shock.

_He...doesn't remember me?_

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><p>Chapter 1 end<p>

So you can see what this is gonna be like huh? Well, I do hope this will be a decent read~! It'll make you guys wonder, because I'm only going to reveal it in pieces. You'll just have to see what happens by reading it all I guess. *shrugs* XD


	2. Chapter 2

Response to reviews~!

Let's say that this fic will be a bit different for me; I'm not used to outright angst. XD And not explaning things will kinda be hard too. so just bear with and watch my hell unfold~!

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

The last thing on Ogichi Shirosaki's list of things to happen today was for him to be saving a very strong, yet wimpy Soul Reaper. He looked down at the sorry sight in front of him. Orange hair was fairly long and shadowing his eyes. Both his arms and legs now had holes in them from the hollow's claws, and his face was slightly red. He was breathing heavily too. _Shit, not my day..._

"Hey uh...thanks. " The voice was quiet and tired, making Shiro feel a bit more peeved than earlier.

_What the hell is this guy thinking? ! Going out in this state...it's so fucking stupid!_ "Tsk, how embarrasing!" He watched as the body on the ground in front of him froze. "Ya can't be a decent Soul Reaper if ya got caught off guard by a stupid hollow like that!" The Soul Reaper stared at him with brown eyes. To Shiro, they were slightly attractive, but his annoyance covered that feeling up quickly. His brown eyes held a look of disbelief and shock.

"Shiro?" Shiro cocked his head to the side. Now how did this Soul Reaper know his nickname? He landed next to the injured Soul Reaper and stared at him intently.

"How do ya know my name Soul Reaper?" He asked. The Soul Reaper in front of him looked to be maybe seventten, possibly eighteen. He must've died fairly young...kinda sad really. He watched as those eyes widened at his response.

"You...you mean you...you don't know me?" Shiro crossed his arms and let out a puff of cold air.

"Why should I? I'm new around here." He stated, which was true. He was a Soul Reaper, but he didn't work for the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. He roamed instead, moving from place to place to wipe out hollows when there weren't many Soul Reapers around. "It ain't like I go to Soul society much anymore. He stood up and held out his black nailed hand. "Name's Ogichi Shirosaki by the way. You?" The other took his hand and stood up, but on shaky legs, he cried out and collapsed, being caught by the albino as he fell.

"I'm...Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki..." The orange head replied. Shiro looked at him and noticed now how dull his eyes seemed. His face was red and he placed a hand on his forehead.

"Damnit you're burning!" Shiro cursed. He helped Ichigo back to his feet, but he only sagged and he rolled his eyes. He lfted him into his arms, and was surprised at how light he was. _Does this kid ever eat?_ "Alright...guess I'm taking ya ta my house..." He grumbled.

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><p>Shiro's 'house' was actually small, almost not big enough to be a house. He placed Ichigo gently on the couch and ran to his room, slipped on his own body and headed to the bathroom. As he yanked out some medication and wet a washcloth, he could hear Ichigo moaning on the couch. <em>Jesus, something's wrong with this guy.<em>.. He thought and went back into the living room. He placed the wet cloth on his head and went to the kitchen and fixed a glass of water. He popped a small pill in Ichigo's mouth and placed the cup against his lips.

"Mmm..." Ichigo shook his head and Shiro pressed harder. Ichigo sucumb and took the water, coughing slightly as the pill went down his throat. "Yuck..."

"Sorry the tap water's shitty. "Shiro said as he took the cup back and put on a pot of tea. "I just moved here recently, so bear with me here, ok?" Ichigo only nodded as Shiro grabbed some gauze. He wrapped it slowly around the injuries in Ichigo's limbs. When he was done, he threw a blamnket over the now shivering Soul Reaper. "Where are you staying?"

"The...Kurosaki Clinic. It's about three blocks away." Shiro nodded and willed his soul out of his body. He turned and placed his body in a chair.

"I'm gonna go pick your gigai up ok? Get some sleep." Shiro noticed how Ichigo turned and faced the back of the couch before he left.

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><p>Ichigo yanked the blanket closer to him as he coughed. <em>How...how is he here?<em> He wondered. _After...after all that he's alive?_ A small memory floated into his head.

_"I ain't that easy ta take down King. C'mon, gimme some credit here!" His hollow taunted._

_"Shiro, this is serious. These Arrancars are...a hell of a lot stronger than before!"_

_"And we're a hell of a lot stronger..." Shiro leaned down and placed his lips gently against Ichigo's smiling as Ichigo returned the action. They stayed there for a moment before parting. "...Especially since we actually have each other now."_

Ichigo coughed and blinked, finding himself back in Shiro's living room. _No...he's dead. This Shiro...it isn't mine. He's not my 'For'... _Ichigo sighed and closed his eyes, hoping to take Shiro's advice and catch up on his sleep.

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><p>The moemtn he hopped into the top window, a silver zanpakuto was at his neck. "Hey, Soul Reaper girl, relax will ya?" Her violet eyes widened briefly before they hardened again.<p>

"Who are you?" She asked, not removing her zanpakuto from his throat.

"I'm Ogichi Shirosaki, but ya call me Shiro, if ya don't mind. Now, mind removing your zanpakuto from my neck?" She slowly retreated, backing up to let Shiro in. "And you?"

"Rukia Kuchiki. Now have you seen another Soul Reaper?" She asked.

"Yup, that is, if ya mean Ichigo. He's at my house right now. He's got one nasty fever and he needs to rest. I came ta get his gigai."

"How do you know he's a real Soul Reaper?" She asked. Shiro shrugged. He honestly didn't know.

"Just guessing. I'm a Substitute Soul Reaper myself, but hey, weird things happen. So whatever. Where's his gigai?" Rukia pointed and he saw it draped limply over the bed. "Ok then, guess I'll haul it back to my house and get him into it."

"Shiro?" Shiro turned as he lifted the gigai onto his shoulder. "Please...be careful with him. He's...well not the same."

"What do ya mean? I've never met him until now. He acted like we met before, but I would remember someone with such bright hair...not that it's very bright at the moment." He mubmled the last part to himself, but Rukia heard him.

"Come over tomorrow and let's talk then." Rukia suggested.

"What, a date? I don't swing that way, thanks." Shiro grinned.

"No! I don't mean a damned date! I mean to talk about...well recent events." Shiro raised an eyebrow and nodded.

"I _did_ just move here...alright, tomorrow around...ten?" Rukia nodded.

"Meet here, but at the entrance please." She watched as Shir leapt out the window and sighed. _I can't believe he's here...I think I need to talk to Kisuke about this..._

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><p>Chapter 2 end<p>

See? Even Rukia's confused. I do wonder what happened? Hmm...oh wait! I know but you guys don't~! XD Well review please~!


	3. Chapter 3

Response to reviews~!

Well I have been getting some interesting reviews; why isn't Rukia violent? (cause she knows stuff.) Can I make Shiro remember Ichi soon? (No, and that's final) Well, some questions answered, I shall continue~!

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

_"Ichigo, we can't do this and you know it." Ichigo's eyes went wide and he reached for Shiro's wrist but his hand was smacked away._

_"Shiro?"_

_"Ichigo, no. I'm going to Hueco Mundo." Shiro refused to look Ichigo in the eyes and it scared him. Shiro was never like this before._

_"Shiro, I don't get it; why? You don't need to. Soul Society trusts y-"_

_"Well they fucking shouldn't!" Shiro snarled. Ichigo backed away a bit at the wild look in the Hollow's eyes. It dimmed away quickly however and he looked the other way. "I'm the fucking enemy!"_

_"No you're not! Why would you say that? !" Ichigo snapped, getting annoyed and worried. Shiro wasn't one to brood. "You're not the enemy!"_

_"I'm exactly like the other Hollows."_

_"And how are you? ! Have you ever actually eaten a soul? I sure haven't seen it! I know you don't!" Shiro sighed and looked Ichigo in the eyes._

_"There's more than one way to be a monster..." He whispered before turning around and walking away._

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><p>Ichigo's eyes snapped open and he found himself reaching out again. <em>Fuck...<em> He ran a hand through his long orange hair and shivered a bit. He yanked the blanket around him closer and glanced around. He didn't know where he was, only that he was back in his gigai and wasn't as dizzy as before. He looked around and groaned when his headache came back a bit.

"Ya really shouldn't move too much just yet, okay?" He stiffined at the voice. Shiro apperead in front of him, wearing nothing but some sweat pants. "Ya doing ok?"

"Wh...where am-"

"My house. Guessing ya don't remember much from the other night? You're pretty sick." Shiro walked over and placed a hand on his forehead. It was cool and refreshing, just as Ichigo remembered it and he couldn't help but lean into the touch. Shiro yanked his hand away at the gesture. "The fuck Soul Reaper?"

"Huh?" Ichigo looked at him and remembered exactly what was going on. _Oh yeah...he doesn't remember me anymore..._ The thought crushed Ichigo and he laid back down. Better off I guess... He coughed and shivered when Shiro nudged his shoulder. "Wha?"

"Here. Drink this down, it'll help." Shiro pushed a bowl with broth in it towards him, but Ichigo pushed it gently away. "C'mon Soul Reaper. Ya ain't gonna get any better if ya don't drink it."

"Maybe I'm tired of 'getting better' and just want to be left alone." Ichigo replied quietly and coughed again. Shiro cocked his head to the side and shruged.

"Suit yourself, dumbass." He placed the bowl on a table next to the couch. "I got a meeting with the soul Reaper chick from the other night this morning. You'd better keep your ass planted on that couch, understood?" Not getting a response, Shiro walked over and peeked to see that Ichigo was asleep again. _Tsk, of course he is...he's sick. _He reached out and was almost about to thread his fingers through Ichigo's hair but he stopped.

"What the hell?" He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I have a meeting with a midget."

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><p>Rukia sneezed as she waited outside the Kurosaki Clinic. <em>Did someone mock me?<em> She wondered and then shook her head. _Nah...just cold..._

"Hey there." She turned around to see Shiro walking up in a plain white hoodie and blue jeans. The hood was up and his hands were stuffed in the front pocket. "Betcha ya thought I'd be late, eh?"

"Not exactly, but maybe in something a bit warmer." Rukia said. She turned around and began walking, Shiro following her.

"Cold dosen't bother me." Shiro shrugged.

_It never has..._ Rukia thought with a sigh. She honestly couldn't believe he was here either, but she knew a man who most likely had answers, and decided to see him after she learned more about Shiro.

"So where we headed anyways?"

"I thought we'd walk around as I explain." Rukia said. Shiro just nodded and stood next to her as they waited to cross the street. "About five years ago, a man named Sosuke Aizen betrayed the Soul Scoiety and created an army of very powerful Hollows called Arrancars. Among them, there were ten that were the strongest; The Espada." Shiro nodded.

"I've heard about this shit. The Winter War right? I wasn't anywhere near all of this, but word travels I've learned." Shiro grinned and Rukia sighed.

"Typical grin..." she muttered before continuing. "About two years after the Winter War, there was an event we called the Arrancar Uprising. Only two of the powerful Espada remained. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques and Tia Halibel. They managed to use their own powers, mixed in with what remained of the Hogyoku, and create even more powerful Hollows, even some more Arrancars. Although Halibel was defeated, Grimmjow is still at large." As they crossed the street, Shiro scratched his head.

"Damn, didn't hear about that one."

"Most of it happened in the Soul Soceity, not here in the World of the Living." Rukia explained. "It only lasted for a month, but the effects...some of us are still feeling them." She didn't mention anyone in paticular, and Shiro didn't catch it.

"Ya know people who died there?"

"Yes...died in more ways than one." She replied, making Shiro tilt his head in confusion. "It left a pretty nasty ripple, I'll say that much."

"Still sounds like a fucking riddle ta me." Shiro huffed and Rukia chuckled.

"Yeah...I know."

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><p>Ichigo yanked the covers over his head as he tried to block out the sunlight giving him a headache. <em>Damnit sunlight...leave me alone...<em> He had been saying that a lot lately, not that he cared. _I deserve to be alone...After what I did, I deserve that._ He slowly sat back up and looked around him. He took his fingers and ran them through his long hair. _I haven't cut it in awhile... I probably should but..._

_"I think you should grow it out. I liked it when it was long." A cool hand threaded through his hair and he couldn't stop the blush on his face._

_"You did? No one else did." Ichigo muttered._

_"I"m not 'no one else'."_

_I just can't bring myself to do it...he never got to see it like this again..._ He reminded himself. _And it's all because of me..._ He managed to get up and walk around the small house. It wasn't much, as Shiro had stated earlier, but it still felt nice. He felt his head ache and he groaned. He ran around until he found the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. He hurled up in the toilet, but very little came up. As he wiped his mouth off, he looked back in the living room and saw the bowl of broth still sitting there. He went and picked it up and dumped it down the sink. After that, he crawled back onto the couch and tried to get some more sleep.

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><p>Shiro sat on the sidewalk as they waited to cross another street. "So what now? Why are you two here ta begin with?" He asked Rukia.<p>

"Visiting Ichigo's family. His sister Yuzu still lives there and helps her father with the hospital." Rukia explained.

"Ichigo? That sick Soul Reaper eh? Pft, I wonder what his problem is..." Shiro muttered the last part to himself. As they walked past the park, Shiro froze and stared at it. He felt a chill go down his spine and he clutched a small necklace around his neck that he had noticed one day. He wasn't sure how long he'd had it, but he just did.

"Shiro?" Rukia walked over to see Shiro staring at the park with a bit of a worried look. "Is everything alright?"

"I don't like that place." He stated simply. He then started to walk the other way. "I'm headed home. Good night Rukia!" As he walked home, he ran through everything she had told him. It took up a good portion of the day, and it surprised him. The sun was begining to set when he got home and he looked at the couch to see Ichigo curled up, his back facing him. He noticed the bowl was gone as well. _Maybe he did drink it afterall..._ He walked over and very gently placed his hand on the Soul Reaper's forehead.

"Mmnn..." Ichigo moaned and practically leaned into the touch. This time, Shiro didn't pull away and allowed his hand to trail down his face and onto his burning cheek.

_Damnit he's still burning...this can't be good at all._ He briefly considered taking Ichigo to a hospital, but he was a Soul Reaper; what if something about their bodies were different? _That's stupid..._ Shiro admitted to himself. He removed his hand and walked into his own room. Too tired for a shower, he just stripped down to his boxars and glanced at himself briefly in a mirror. A scar on his chest near his heart and lung could be seen. He ran a hand over it and sighed. _I still don't know when I got this..._ he thought. Shrugging, he curled up under his covers for some sleep.

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><p>Chater 3 end<p>

See? i'm so evil, yes? I plan on making you cry (if I haven't already) so be prepared~!


	4. Chapter 4

Response to reviews~!

Something tells me this is one of those fics that'll end up ignored later...but whatever~! I'm gonna try ta complete it, but if I don't get anymore reviews after this chappie, it will not continue. I'm sorry, but this kinda blows...I'm sure some of you understand, yah? I've taken fics down before because of not getting much reviews. So unless I get at least 15 reviews after this chappie in...say a week, it'll be gone. And I thought this was a good idea too...T-T Well, here's chapter 4.

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

_Falling...he was falling from the night sky. There were no stars, just a cresent moon._

_There was pain...it consumed him, making everything cold and start to fade. He lost all feeling in his body._

_Falling...he could hear someone scream his name and could just make out the person reaching for him. But before the person was close enough, everything died..._

Shiro shot up in bed as he clutched his chest, right above his rapidly beating heart. _Another...nightmare..._he thought and groaned. He ran a hand through his white hair, grumbling and looking at a necklace around his neck. " 'For' "... He whispered to himself. _What does it mean?_ He wondered. It looked cheap, and split in half. _Hmm..._ That was when a scream came from his living room. He practically leapt out of his bed and ran to see Ichigo thrashing about wildly on his couch. He rushed over and grabbed Ichigo by his shoulders, shaking him awake. "Ichigo!"

"N-no! Stop!" Ichigo struggled in the other's grasp. "I-I have to help!"

"ICHIGO!" He shouted it louder, and the Soul Reaper froze. His eyes cleared up and he buried himself against Shiro's chest.

"Ni...nightmare..." He murmered. Shiro closed his eyes and was a bit surprised to find himself rubbing Ichigo's back. The Soul Reaper seemed to find this comforting and quickly fell asleep. Shiro leaned back and touched his forehead gently.

_Still a bit hot...but better..._ he made a mental note to make sure to watch Ichigo when he ate next time as well. He slowly laid Ichigo back down, but couldn't help but stare at him._ So...you have them too huh?_ He thought and sighed. Pulling up a chair, he sat down in it and grabbed Ichigo's hand. _I know it sucks..._ He then drifted back off to sleep.

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><p>When Ichigo woke up, he saw Shiro slumped in the chair next to him, hand still holding his. <em>Why...<em>he wondered. _Why is he in here?_ He moved away just a bit and he watched as Shiro stirred. Opening his sleepy eyes, he yawned adn ran a hand through his white hair.

"Morning. How ya feeling?" He asked.

"...I'm fine." Ichigo muttered, looking away from Shiro. Shiro doubted that, but he knew he wouldn't get much answers from him. He sighed walked into the kitchen, intent on fixing something for Ichigo. "Thanks for your help, but I need to get going."

"You're sick; you really shouldn't be moving at all. Do not make me hunt your ass down and drag you back here if you leave." Shiro threatened. Ichigo sighed and got up anyways. "Hey, didja hear me? !"

"I did, I just don't care. Leave me alone." Shiro rushed after him, but he was already out the door.

_That dumbass! What the hell is wrong with him? !_ He sighed and looked at the couch. _Well...fine then. If he wants to be alone, I'll leave him alone._

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><p>Ichigo sighed as he leaned against a brick wall, yanking his coat cloaser to himself. <em>Maybe I should've stayed...<em> he thought idly, but shook his head. _No. What's the point? He doesn't remember me..._ He looked up at the grey sky as snow began to fall. _This is what I deserve. I just need to accept that..._ He clutched the tiny necklace around his neck and felt his eyes well up, and a small tear fell onto his pale cheek. Why? Why is this happening?

_"Ichigo...thank you."_

_"For what? I didn't do anything at all."_

_"That ain't exactly true..." Pale arms wrapped around his waist and he felt warm breath tickle the spot behind his ear. "You've helped me feel. And what I feel right now, is how I will always feel." Ichigo sighed as a tongue licked the shell of his ear, making him shiver. "I love you, Ichigo."_

_Is this why?_ Ichigo thought as the memory left him. _Is it because of what I did? Or is it because..._ He looked down at his tennis shoes and sighed. _I need to get home..._ He slowly stood up and began walking down the street, unaware of the Hollow closely following him.

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><p>Shiro cleaned up his breakfast and sighed. For some reason, Ichigo refused to leave his head. <em>Damnit...I don't give a shit! If he wants to get hurt and be alone, let him!<em> But every time he thought that, his heart would clench painfully, as if it knew something he didn't, and it wasn't intent on sharing. _Ugh, this sucks..._ He closed his eyes and tried to feel out for Ichigo's spiritual pressure. When he picked it up, he couldn't help but sigh at how...content it made him feel. _Why is that?_ He wondered. He subconsiously grabbed the small necklace around his neck and breathed in and out slowly. _I don't why...but it feels...familiar..._ Just then, Ichigo's spiritual pressure dropped sharply and his eyes snapped open. Aww shit!

He felt his soul seperate from his body and he launched out of his open window. Sensing a Hollow just a few blocks away, he Flash Stepped his way there...only to freeze at what he saw. The Hollow was large, slug like in apperence, and had Ichigo coiled up in one of its tentecles. Ichigo was hanging limply in it, his body on the ground, alongside his zanpakuto. "Ichigo!" The Hollow turned to face him and seemed surprised.

"You? You were dead..." It hissed. Shiro arched a pale eyebrow and the Hollow laughed. "Oh, this is quite the surprise!"

"What the hell are you going on about? !" Shiro snapped angrily. He held out his zanpakuto and pointed it at the Hollow. "Release him, now."

"Why when he asked for death? I am simply granting his wish to die." Shiro didn't hesitate; just as it began to drag Ichigo's limp soul to its mouth, he lashed out with his zanpakuto, cutting the tentecle and catching Ichigo as he fell. "I got you." He said quietly, placing Ichigo back into his gigai and attacking the howling monster. Taken by surprise, the Hollow had no time to move as Shiro quickly ended its life. With that, he went back to Ichigo, who was begining to stir.

"Ngh...Sh...Shiro?" He opened his eyes slowly to see Shiro kneeling in front of him.

"What the hell were ya thinking Ichigo? ! Ya can't just throw your life away like that!" Shiro shouted. Ichigo looke daway, but his eyes were glowing with anger.

"Why the fuck not huh?" He whispered quietly. Shiro tilted his head and Ichigo looked back at him, a flicker of anger in those dull eyes. "After everything I've done, it's what I should do."

"What the hell do ya mean by that? !"

"It's good you don't remember...because you'd hate me so much for what happened..." He slowly rose to his feet. "I don'd deserve to live..." As he walked away, Rukia's words echoed in Shiro's mind.

_"It only lasted for a month, but the affects...some of us are still feeling them."_

_"Ya know people who died there?"_

_"Yes...in more ways than one."_

He shot up and seized Ichigo by his shoulders and turned him around.

"Ichigo, tell me what happened in the Uprising." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to help Ichigo at all, but it was like an obssesion now. He _had_ to find out what was making Ichigo like this...no matter what the orange head thought. "I want to help you." Ichigo yanked his shoulders out of Shiro's grip and sighed.

"I...Near the end of the Winter War...I lost my powers, well, most of it. Also, my connection to my body was severed, killing it and making me a full time Soul Reaper." Ichigo whispered quietly, looking at his feet. "I was allowed to live at one of Byakuya's mansions...but I..." He looked at the ground and took a deep breath. "I wasn't able to protect anyone anymore. I grew depressed about it. Then...then _he_ decided to step up and help me."

"He? He who?"

"My Inner Hollow..."

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><p>Chapter 4 end<p>

OOO~! I'll stop right there, and continue later...assuming people read it. T-T


	5. Chapter 5

Response to reviews~!

Ok, now's for some more info overloading~! Ichigo isn't gonna say much about his inner hollow yet...suspense ya know? O.o Well enjoy!

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

"My Inner Hollow never had a name to begin with, so he offered to make me a deal; he'd help me regain my powers, and I'll think of something for him, and find a way to get him into a gigai of his own. I mean, it sounded fair at the time and all..." Ichigo explained quietly.

"Tsk, for all ya know, he was just trying ta trick ya." Shiro commented.

"Perhaps, but if there was a chance to get my powers back up to what they used to be, maybe even further, I'd take it." Ichigo sighed. They were walking now, slowly making their way across town.

"Tsk, doesn't sound like you..." He muttered, but it went unnoticed by the orange haired Soul Reaper. "So what happened?"

"Well...I'm not sure. I think he started developing the ability to feel human emotions the more power I regained. We were training together, so it's also possible that he began to feel more because he was getting stronger too, I'm not sure what happened." Ichigo shrugged his skinny shoulders. His coat fell off a bit and he quickly covered his shoulder up again.

_He's all skin and bone...I don't like seeing him like this..._ Shiro thought to himself. Yet...I have no clue why! "Continue then."

"It just...I dunno, happened. One minute we're training, the next..." Ichigo's face turned red as he blushed. "I have no way to describe it..."

"Then don't, I fear mental images." Shiro grumbled and Ichigo let out a sad sigh.

"Anyways...on one of my visits to the World of the Living, Kisuke agreed to make a special gigai that he could be in. The only thing is he'd be seperated from me. We both agreesd on it and the next visit saw him and me walking around town together. My sisters didn't care, and neither did Rukia or Renji...but when Soul Society found out, we were afraid that they'd execute him." Ichigo explained. "It wasn't long after that that the Uprising started, lead by two Espada's that survived the war; Tia Halibel and Grimmjow Jeagerjaques." Suddenly, Shiro's forehead began to throb at the names. He rubbed his temple and sighed. "You ok?"

"Y-yeah, small headache. Keep going..." He said. Ichigo hesitated on the next half of the story, shifting nervously from foot to foot as they waited for the light to change so that they could cross the street.

"I...we got into an argument at the park...he said I couldn't be with him, kept calling himself a monster. I didn't care! I wanted to be with him, no matter what the Soul society said. At the time...I wasn't aware of the Uprising. He did the only thing he could; he slapped me hard and ran off. I was hurt, but I wanted to look for him. He had said he was going to Hueco Mundo, where all Hollows belong." Shiro nodded, yet his headache refused to leave. "There was an attack on Karakura Town and I overheard the Hollows brag that my 'counterpart' was struggling without me...that they'd caught him. I didn't understand. When Rukia told me he went to check out Hueco Mundo for rumors of a resistence, he had left, but was ordered to make sure I remained."

"Damnit..." Shiro hissed, both for Ichigo and at his headache.

"I instantly ran to Hueco Mundo...and right before I could do anything, I watched Tia Halibel run her zanpakuto straight through his heart...I was furious...I can't remember much, but I know I killed her...no one ever found Grimmjow." Ichigo looked down, tears welling up in his eyes. He pulled out his small necklace and sighed. "He told me something once...that he was my 'For' and I was his 'Ever'. Bullshit...I couldn't even protect him...I couldn't get to him as he fell..." Shiro stared at Ichigo with pity.

"But it ain't your fault he's dea-"

"It is! When he left I screamed at him; told him to fuck off, told him I didn't give a shit and that he could go die for all I gave a damn!" Ichigo shouted. "Because of me...all because of _me_!" Ichigo glared at him, his dull eyes filled with a faint, barely flickering fire. "Don't you dare act like you know how _he_ felt! You aren't the same!"

"Ichigo, what the hell are you talking abo-" Ichigo slappesd him and glared.

"How'd _you_ like it? ! Get the fuck away from me and leave me the hell alone! Don't fucking come near me again!" Shiro felt like something pierced his heart at the words and as Ichigo walked away, he thought he'd double over from the pain. He slowly walked back home, his breathing ragged and his legs shaking.

_What's wrong with me? !_ He thought frantically. His entire head ached, and it felt like someone ran him through, the scar on his chest itching like mad.

_"How'd _you_ like it? !"_

_What did he mean? ! What's going on? !_ Flashes passed in front of his eyes, of Ichigo in a sideways world, clashing their swords together. Being together, feeling flesh smack against a warm cheek...all of them things he'd never seen before. It made him groan and clutch his head as he fell to the floor in his house. _Damnit all!_ After a few minutes, his body shut down from the pain.

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><p>Ichigo slammed his bedroom door shut, feeling infuriated. <em>How can he say that? ! It's not like he remembers!<em> He thought furiously. If he was still the same, he'd never say any of that!

"Ichigo?" He turned to see Rukia standing in the doorway. "What happened?"

"Nothing! I want to be alone..." He muttered, curling up on his old bed.

"Ichigo, you've been alone long enough. Let me talk to you, ok?" She reached out for him, but he smacked her hand away.

"Leave me alone!" He snapped angrily.

"I won't until you tell me what's wr-"

"_He's_ what's wrong! I don't want him here!" He snapped angrily, tears falling down his cheeks. "I don't give a shit! Tell him to leave town!"

"Ichigo, I'm not going to do that! He just want's to he-"

"He wants to_ pity_ me! I don't fucking care!" Rukia sighed and walked towards the door.

"Fine Ichigo...but I can't tell him what to do. You're both the same way..." She closed the door, leaving Ichigo alone and shaking her head. _I need to speak with Shiro about this...maybe he'll tell me what happened._

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><p>When Rukia got there, she could hear him goraning and she knocked on the door. "Shiro? You ok in there?" After a few minutes of knocking, the door slowly opened to reveal the albino. His forehead was sweaty, as if he woke up from a nightmare or run a marathon. "what happened?"<p>

"I...I don't know..." He muttered, not sounding all there. "Come in ok? I really need to...to sit down." Rukia nodded slowly and they both sat in the living room. Shiro looked at the floor, his fingers folded together. "Rukia...I have a question for you."

"Answer me first; what the hell happened between you and Ichigo?" She asked sternly.

"I have no clue..." He explained what had happened up to the point where Ichigo slapped him and him coming home only to pass out inside the house. "I'm not sure what to think..."

"What do you mean?"

"Rukia...who am I really? ever since I got here, I've been doubting my older memories...I don't know what to think. Something about what Ichigo said today...made me see things. Things I've never experienced...or can't remember." Rukia shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

_Should I say? I guess he's gonna figure it out sooner or later..._ she thought. "You're...you're his Inner Hollow..." She whispered. Shiro gave her a funny look. "You still have the necklace you bought for the both of you. Ichigo never stopped talking about them...apart, they say 'For', the piece you have, and 'Ever', the part Ichigo holds."

"Forever..." Shiro whispered under his breath, looking at the charm. "I...I thought they were tacky and stupid...but..." He gripped his hair and felt like yanking it all out. "Damnit!"

"What is it? !" Rukia ran over only to be held back by Shiro's spiritual pressure spiking alarmingly. "Shiro! C-calm down!"

"Goddamnit!" Shiro fell on his knees, holding his head as his mind was assulted with memories. _Everything...what's happening to me? !_

**"Remember now?"** Shiro opened his eyes and found himself in a sideways world, glancing at a man in a black cape.

"You..."

**"Remember us now, Ogichi Shirosaki?"** The man asked.

"Z...Zangetsu..." He felt like something in him clicked at the name and it made his chest burn. "Ngh...what's happening to me? !"

**"Just breathe...it'll end soon."** The zanpakuto said calmly. Shiro closed his eyes tightly as Rukia screamed his name. Suddenly, everything seemed to snap into place and he opened his eyes.

"Ru...Rukia..." When he looked at her, she saw something different in his eyes; a long lost love and pain. "I remember..."

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><p>Chapter 5 end<p>

Whew~! One sit down and this is done! lol Well thanks to much persisting, this story will continue. XD So review pwease? O.o


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